Tuesday, 22 June 2010
CONQUER TUKOKUMO IGALI
A very wise man told me days back that people hold certain views because of the experiences they’d had, good or bad. I hardly think I fall in that category. For example, my first relationship lasted all through my University years, and then some. I have never been part of a “bad relationship” before. I am usually liked. But most often than not, I think a little differently than other girls my age.
Some things look good in concept to me. For example, I somewhat fancy the idea of staying single with a house full of children, all mine. I could birth 5 cute girls, adopt another 5 or 9, and make it 14 or so children in a very big house. They can have a room to themselves if they wish. I would take the best care of them as a mother who wouldn’t do more than cook Indomie would.(ok, after a couple of degrees, I would do a catering course too!).They could have a Daddy in principle though, not just my husband. We would be together, me and him. Go out with our kids to some functions together, but not live in the same house. I hate to iron male shirts. Hell! I’ve ironed more than a thousand parts of my body trying to straighten my own clothes and they aren’t even that complicated! I would stay 23 forever. Be a justice of the Supreme Court immediately after Call-to-Bar, Have my Mother live forever, and invent the cure to every incurable disease and misfortune. But then, fantasies never happen the way we want them to, do they? Hence, this note, could as best, be an attempt to wish, as always.
It is 11:34 AM now. I’ve been sitting on this reading table for hours, attempting a Power Point presentation for my Court and Chamber attachment requirement - without success. Defeated, I reach under the table for a magazine. Vogue, the 2008 August edition, with Supermodel Kate Moss gracing the cover, seated. She is beautiful enough, but a story beckons to me. I open to page 88, and 75 year old writer, Jane Juska, smiles at me from inside the page. She is blond. Her story is titled ‘The Other Woman at 75’.I start reading. She writes about herself.
Married quite early, but after a divorce at 37, Jane had an affair with a man that almost ‘did her in’. At 66 she considered herself liberated enough to have any affair she wanted, and did. Even advertised on a newspaper for applications (what did you think? Men, of course!) and wrote a book about her escapades. Her book ,”A Round Heeled Woman” ,became a huge success. Sex, in whatever form, sells naturally. People considered her libido a miracle. During her first book signing in Berkley, She met a handsome, white haired, clean nailed, charismatic, very sexy and extremely unavailable man who told her he wanted her, but was very married and would never leave his wife. Still, he ‘had needs’ that his wife couldn’t meet. So she dated him.
Having had a firsthand experience with a married man in her 50s, one would have expected that Jane learnt from that. Dating an irretrievably married man turns into every cliché you have ever heard about “the other woman” .It is a life of hiding, of waiting, for making unlikely excuses for otherwise intolerable acts. But the physical attraction and the exceptional bedroom skills snared her. Of course, he reassured her he ‘would never lie to her’, and ‘feels as though he is with her even when he was with his wife’. Married relationships always bring cliché’s even 5 year olds could see, as through a piece of glass. She stayed.
They traveled a bit (always on his business trips) and hotel keepers and receptionists kept calling her Mrs____. She never had the courage to tell them “’Oh no! Well, I’m his mistress, you see? I only satisfy his ‘needs’ and take stolen trips with him on vacations’”, plus, he always stood there grinning when she got called his “Mrs.” What would he have done? Huh? But she liked the respectability that came with been called his “Mrs.” too, see? Who could blame her?
Their relationship lasted for about a year before Jane realized she was fast becoming an emotional wreck. She wanted to call him at midnight, see him during the day, send text messages to his cell, and be seen in public with him. Jane also realized that she couldn’t live her life without him anymore.
So, one afternoon, after a fight about all the things they’d ruled out of their affair that she now wanted, he looked at her, raised his hands in despair and said. “I’m sorry, but I can’t give you all the things that you say you want’’. Tired of fighting the things she knew she would never get (except of course, if she decided assassins would do the magic),Jane Juska, now 75, settled into the life of the ‘other woman’. The liberated life she chose for herself.
I liked the story. Jane Juska would fit perfectly in my fantasy-wish-world (minus the men chain though). Add the portrait of a dozen plus happy faces painted in chocolate and a grinny me and the world would be all perfect! (cancel the early divorce part too. I’d rather not tie that knot at all than decide to risk the legal battle of who gets what.) I am not so sure about the newspaper ad though. I figure it wouldn’t be very hard to get consenting adult males to do the deed. You know? Tell a man upfront that there is free and unattached copulation in the contract and one would get offers so many there wouldn’t be any need at all for a newspaper ad. But then, reality is an unsolicited neighbor that walks into ones living room without even a knock on the door.
Miss Juska is 75 and would soon be called by the Black man with the whispery tone, but I am a lot younger and yet to birth, or adopt my first child. I am a Nigerian with a very Christian and mannered background. Given the society I live in, it would never go unnoticed that my fantasy views are almost unacceptable. Even with the various reality checks, I joke crudely with my Boyfriend about some of these crazy ideas. “I won’t marry you”, I would quip.
“Great!’’ he’d always reply, adding, ’’But you’ll have my first child though. She would be a girl.’’
He already has a name for her.
“What if I decide to marry some guy before I give you your girl child?” I would ask between laughs.
“Oh? He would have to wait then”, boyfriend would reply, “My equity comes first. You know, first in time always takes precedence,’’ he would joke.
Were I to live my fantasy, he would be my perfect fantasy father, you see? He is scared shitless of marital ties, very amenable to weird views and is absolutely cute.
But then, Reality knocks hard. Annoying as neighbors who intrude into ones moment of solitude are, some intrusions are welcome, especially when ones cooking is about to set the whole house on fire, as it is now. I’ll resume my attempt at my slide show while trying hard to keep these thoughts out! Sometimes, the things we think we need are only but trifling. It takes a lot more time to see the bigger picture. Time flies too.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
@ IGALI TUKOKUMO CONQUER. 2010